FORGOTTEN News of 2017

5 days ago
There seems to be a general consensus about 2017, and they all run along this vein… Thank goodness that’s over! And like any year, 2017 was crammed with amazing things that took place and of course, not so amazing things too. There are certain events that took place that you might have forgotten about, that is until now! Here’s a rehash of some interesting happenings that took place in 2017.

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9 - No need for second date
This is quite the traumatic story for the poor girl in question and ended up being labeled the Tinder Poo Date. Liam Smith went on a Tinder date in September, and the date went well with the pair deciding to head back to Liam’s place. While there, the woman’s worst nightmare came true and after using the loo for a number 2, couldn’t flush the thing down. The woman tried to throw the number 2 out the window, but for some reason tried to retrieve it again by climbing out the window. That’s when she got stuck and the fire brigade had to be called in to rescue her. She had to eventually tell the truth of how she landed up there, and said it was the most humiliating moment of her entire life. I’d love to know if there was ever a 3rd date, but I’m having my doubts!

8 - It never rains, but it pours
George W. Bush should really have just gotten wet, because his struggle to put a poncho on is laughable. It’s cringeworthy to watch, and you actually want to get up off your seat and go and help the poor man out, don’t you?


7 - Secret’s Out
When you watch shows like Border Patrol or Border Security, you often see the staff confiscating contraband goods that were made from endangered species. In 2017 we learnt of a warehouse that is kind of like a mausoleum, where all of those goods go to. Inside you will find leopard skin shoes, a lamp from with zebra hooves, a stool made from an elephant foot and the list goes on.


6 - Be You tiful
There are countless treatments for the nether regions of women, and 2017 was no exception in terms of what the beauty industry came up with! In July we were subjected to a glitter capsule that was meant to give you a sparkly flavored you know what, and make you, in their words, “magically delicious”. Then we saw highlighters intended for down below as well. They looked like little containers of blush, but they weren’t meant for cheeks! Let’s hope 2018 just leaves those womanly bits alone!


5 - I do
An interesting choice of wedding venue for a British couple, but they were officially the first people to get married in the Antarctic. Their wedding took place in July of 2017 in subzero temperatures. The couple both worked for the British Antarctic Survey at a research station on Adelaide Island


4 - No Promises
To have forgotten about this movie one would have had to be aware of it in the first place. A movie starring two of the industry’s biggest stars should really have been a racing cert. The promise is only an utter waste of these two actors’ incredible abilities as they were let down by a long and dreary historical drama that just couldn’t seem to captivate any viewer’s attention for very long…… uhm where was I? Oh. The Promise. Sorry I’m struggling to stay awake thinking about it. It cost $90 million to make and grossed an incredible $10 000 000. You will have forgotten about it by the time you finish listening to this.


3 - But wait, that’s not all
A small disclaimer before we go on – the Juicero technically reached the market in 2016, but went down spectacularly in a ball of flames in 2017. You buy a funky juicer, right? Then you buy some fruit and veggies to start your new health kick not so? Not so. The Juicero genii thought they could juice their profits even more by ensuring one could only liquify bags of specially prepared produce which sold for $5 - $10. Added to the sheer lunacy of the thing, it cost about $400. A bargain really considering the launch price was closer to $700.


2 - Weed did it
Last year police arrested Zachary Cole Fernandez for making small changes to the famous Hollywood sign. It wasn’t that hard if you think about it – one panel repositioned and hey presto! O becomes an E. Very clever though. He was high when he did it. High up on the hill that is. I’m not insinuating anything, really, but maybe he was inspired.

FORGOTTEN News of 2017